6 Big Topics to Tread Lightly On The First Date - Sun and Planets Spirituality AYINRIN
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First dates can be a lot of things, one of which is nerve-wracking.
The possibility of meeting someone new with whom you could get on well with is exciting, but the fear of jinxing the whole thing can be overwhelming.
If you’re anything like me and are a strong believer that ‘first impressions are lasting impressions’, you'll do your best to ensure that your date interacts with the best version of yourself the first time you meet.
From the outfit you choose to the place you decide to go, you try to make sure it all contributes to making the stars align. For instance, most of us would skip ribs and hot wings on the first date because they can be quite messy.
When it comes to chatting, it is easy to get carried away and talk about anything that comes to mind.
However, while this is a chance to get to know each other, there are some things that can be a little too much information when you’re meeting someone for the first time. Below are some of these things you should never talk about on a first date.
6 Big Topics to Tread Lightly on the First Date
Of course, everyone approaches dating differently. Some people may consider these topics completely okay to discuss on a first date. If you take the perspective of, "I don't want to waste time if we're not compatible," then you may actually want to broach some of these subjects.
We're taking the approach that these six topics can be extremely personal for many people. While bringing them up may give you insight into someone without investing too much of your time, it also might have the opposite effect, where you could come off as inconsiderate or even nosy.
The way you bring things up will affect results as well, of course, and potentially if you get a response at all.
1. Sex talk.
Sexual compatibility is an important aspect of any successful relationship.
However, the topic should ideally be raised at a later stage when both parties are more comfortable. Raising and focusing only on the topic of sex topic could be off putting. Attraction is one thing, but you just met!
Flirting and banter are one thing, but if sex is brought up very early on, it may have the effect of the other person thinking that is what you are interested in, not in developing a relationship with them.
2. Too many compliments.
There is nothing wrong with giving your date a few compliments.
This might be a great ice breaker and help loosen up things to make the conversation flow. However, if you find yourself overly complimenting them, it might result in them feeling a bit uncomfortable.
Too many compliments might also appear fake, and the other person can get the impression that you're complimenting them just to fill in the silence and you don’t necessarily mean it.
Moreover, a lot of compliments can also come across as love bombing, a manipulative tactic used to gain control over the other person.
3. Negative talk about exes.
Even when you think your superpower is attracting problematic people, telling your date about it on the first night might not be a good idea.
In addition to making you look like you think you’re self-righteous, it can also make you seem like you're not over those past relationships. No one wants to pursue something with a person who is still holding on to the past.
Moreover, bad-mouthing your ex can paint you as someone who doesn't take responsibility and may solely believe the relationship ended because of the other person. We all know that is not always the case; in most cases, both parties usually contribute to the demise of the relationship.
4. Judgmental comments.
We all have opinions about almost anything, but that doesn’t mean we should always voice them especially when they are a little judgmental or negative.
As you're trying to get to know your date, you want to create an environment that allows them to be themselves without any reservations. When you voice your judgmental opinions, it creates a tense and unsafe environment which means the other person can’t really be themselves in fear of being judged.
5. Too much about yourself.
Yes, the point of the date is to get to know each other, but this is a two-way street.
At the end of the date, both people need to have learned something about each other. Rather than making the date seem like an autobiography session, ask your date questions and be curious. Show interest in getting to know the other person.
That will make it easier for you two to discuss topics of common interest or actually know more about each other. When one person focuses on talking about themselves, the other person might check out mentally, even when they are still there in person.
Also, focusing on yourself makes you come across as someone who is self-absorbed. No one wants that.
6. Detailed past trauma.
Again, most of us have these, but there is a time and a place for everything.
The first date is certainly not a time to dive deep into past traumas. Doing so can leave your date feeling uncomfortable and unsure of what to do with all the information you would have shared.
It can make you seem like you have a lot of baggage and you have no idea how to handle it. One might think you're looking for someone to help you deal with your past traumas, which might not be the case at all.
This is not to say you should hide anything, or feel worried about sharing something that has had a huge impact on your life. More so, going into specifics the first time you meet someone may not be the most appropriate approach.
Final Thoughts
Navigating through first dates is certainly not easy, but it can be done.
This article by no means discourages discussing the above topics. They're important topics that eventually have to be talked about when trying to establish compatibility; however, it should be done at a later stage rather than on the first date.
To move things forward, a light-hearted yet engaging first date could be an ideal first step. You're probably trying to figure out if you like this person, and feel good enough around them to see them again.
It’s important to pace yourself when in the dating world and remind yourself that there is a time for everything. Ideally, first dates should be fun and interesting rather than heavy and overwhelming. Try your best to keep things the way you would like and enjoy the process.
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