5 Topics You Need to Discuss Before Saying ‘Yes’ to an Intercultural Marriage - Sun and Planets Spirituality AYINRIN
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Intercultural relationships and marriages are increasingly becoming the norm and are being more widely accepted in most cultures than they were some years ago.
Considering that a lot of people are migrating for various reasons, these relationships are inevitable. Unfortunately, studies have continuously found that over time, cultural differences take a toll on these marriages, resulting in a higher divorce rate (in comparison to marriages of people within the same culture).
The apparent reason behind these higher divorce rates is cultural differences. These can not be erased or ignored, and couples need to acknowledge the existence of these differences and figure out how they would like to maneuver through them once they are together.
Figuring it out as you go is of course an option. But understanding each other's different backgrounds will definitely help in your success.
In so doing there is a possibility that the two will learn there are some things which are non-negotiable for them and deal breakers for the other person. In order to avoid such conundrums, there are some topics all intercultural couples need to address before saying ‘I do’.
5 Topics All Intercultural Couples Should Address Before Getting Married
Of course, these are important topics to discuss for anyone before getting married or even just involved in a committed relationship. Family dynamics and upbringing can be different for people who have lived near each other.
For this article, we're focused on reported main sources of conflict that can come from couples raised in different cultures.
Family dynamics
Family is viewed in different light across cultures. In some cultures, nuclear and immediate families are the only ones recognized. In others, big and extended families are the norm. It's essential for a couple to understand how they would like to maintain family relations once they get married.
Moreover, it's also essential to discuss the level of involvement and the extent to which family can contribute to decisions you make in your marriage. In some cultures, children have to run all their decisions by their parents.
In others, parents are not expected to be involved in the decisions children make once they move out.
If this issue has not been addressed, it can be a source of conflict. One person may be thinking their partner is disrespectful or disregarding their family. The other feels smothered by their partner's family who might come across as way too involved.
Before getting married, a couple needs to discuss how they will integrate both families’ expectations and roles.
Parenting
Both partners need to be well aware of how the other person was raised.
If there are cultural differences, chances are high that the two were raised differently. The expectations which the parents had on them as a child play a significant role in how they would want to raise their children.
If you intend on having children, it's ideal that you discuss and make sure you’re on the same page regarding how you want to raise those little humans.
Communication styles
This is a pillar of all relationships so it needs to be solid.
Before you walk down or wait at the end of the aisle, discuss how you want to communicate and how you can best solve misunderstandings and conflicts.
Sometimes, we say the same thing in a different manner. So, it's also important for both parties to make sure they understand what the other person is saying. The two of you need to be speaking the same language.
Partner roles
Partner expectations differ across cultures.
Each person needs to understand what their ideal role means to them personally. This then makes it easier to inform their partner what they bring to the marriage in terms of roles and also what they expect from their partner.
You should also discuss things that are non-negotiable for you that you expect from your partner. If they have any reservations regarding these, this would be a perfect time to make compromises and figure out how you can meet in the middle ground.
Religion and traditions
Some cultures do not allow people to get into certain rooms with shoes that they wore outside.
This might seem like a small thing, but for people from that cultural background, it is a big deal. Both parties should be well aware of the religious background of the other person and where they are headed regarding their religion and culture.
It is not uncommon for people to change their religions in adulthood.
The two people’s religions and cultures need to align to some extent in order to make the marriage work. A person who doesn’t celebrate Christmas might find it hard to spend the rest of their life with someone who values that as a time to be surrounded by loved ones and exchange gifts.
Intercultural Relationships are a Work in Progress
Just like any relationship, intercultural relationships require the two people to constantly work on themselves, making an effort to learn and understand their partner’s background. Some of the best ways a couple can constantly improve their relationship are through:
- Open communication
- Respect
- Compromise
- Embracing diversity and differences
- Having a strong support system
- Being open-minded
- Patience
- Willingness to understand and embrace differences
When everyone is doing their best, intercultural relationships can be incredibly rewarding. They offer an opportunity for both individuals to get out of their comfort zone and broaden their understanding of the world.
Before getting married, couples should use their dating or relationship phase to dive deep into their cultural differences. They should create a safe environment where they can talk about anything and everything without shame or fear.
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