How to Identify Gaslighting in Relationships & How You Can Deal with It - Sun and Planets Spirituality AYINRIN
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Author:His Magnificence the Crown, Kabiesi Ebo Afin! Oloja Elejio Oba Olofin Pele Joshua Obasa De Medici Osangangan Broadaylight.
Gaslighting is a major red flag in a relationship, yet it's not-always-obvious to identify.
It is a form of emotional abuse in which one partner manipulates or demoralizes the other partner’s reality by forcing them to question their feelings, memories, thoughts, and experiences.
A victim of gaslighting can be pushed to the point where they began to question their own sanity/identity, as well as what is real within the world.
What Does Gaslighting Look Like?
Ultimately, gaslighting can have negative – even destructive – effects on a person’s:
- self-esteem
- emotions
- and sense of perception
Gaslighting with a partner usually occurs when a couple is struggling with the power dynamic and often becomes a ‘normalized’ part of the relationship. Often, it is difficult for the victim to realize they are being gaslighted, despite how apparent it may be to on-lookers.
The saying, “love is blind” can ring true, leading you to overlook and/or deny the abuse.
Nobody wants to admit that their relationship is not perfect, so one can habitually choose to ignore the harmful aspects. Nonetheless, you must step back and view your relationship in the same way an outsider would and truthfully analyze your relationship to see if you are a victim of gaslighting.
5 Common Steps of Gaslighting
The steps below can help you identify gaslighting:
- Your partner makes you think you're crazy when you confront them about the things that are bothering you.
- When you stick up for yourself and do not fall victim to the “imagining things” game, they try to damage your self-esteem by throwing your insecurities and flaws into your face.
- Guilt-tripping is used by your partner in an attempt to invalidate your feelings and concerns.
- You begin to doubt yourself.
- Despite knowing what is real, you succumb to your partner’s abuse and believe their words.
Now that you are able to better spot gaslighting, it is crucial you are familiar with the ways to identify and getting back control.
Let us be clear here: Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse. You need to recognize that if you confront someone about this, you could be putting yourself in a potentially volatile or dangerous situation.
4 Ways to Respond to Gaslighting
1. Write everything down.
By writing down all of the thoughts, feelings, concerns, etc., you are experiencing, you are validating and making them evident.
This is beneficial because it allows you to explain, in a calm and reasonable manner, exactly when you started feeling that way and why. You can also look back and see how things have progressed over time.
Writing everything down will permit you to address the situation with as little emotion as possible. Emotions open the door for manipulation.
2. Tell others your reality.
Conversing with others is known to be a stress-relieving and freeing activity.
While it is beneficial to talk to your family and friends about your worries, it may be more helpful to discuss your apprehensions with an unbiased party. They will serve as a fresh pair of ears and as somebody who can give you impartial advice.
Seeking professional help from a therapist may prove to be a solid investment as well. They’re familiar with gaslighting techniques and can help you address it.
3. Give yourself some space.
Leaving your situation for a while and getting some fresh air can often times bring you back with a new perspective.
In any relationship, taking time to reconnect and find yourself can be therapeutic and much needed, but especially in negative ones.
If you're not able to physically leave, especially if you are in the middle of an argument or conversation where gaslighting occurs, staying calm can help you.
You can:
- Stop and take some grounding, deep breaths for a few seconds
- Close your eyes and repeat an empowering mantra or affirmation
- Look at a photo of something or someone that reminds you to keep your head clear
Whether you're taking actual physical space from the situation by spending time alone to reflect, or in the moment where you guard your head space from intruding thoughts or comments, it can help you stay in control and keep the emotions out.
4. Trust yourself.
If you take home one thing from this article, let it be this. Believe in and trust in yourself.
If you’re thinking, “They make me feel crazy”, trust your gut feeling. Gaslighting is a type of manipulation that feeds off of thoughts and emotions and is aimed at transferring power from you to them.
The best thing you can do is remind yourself that you are strong and confident and you will not allow yourself to be controlled by another individual. Stand in your power and address any attempts at gaslighting. Keep your convictions strong and remember your worth.
If you think someone is trying to manipulate you, it's worth looking into and reflecting on, even if it doesn't turn out to be gaslighting. You know yourself best and should listen to any concerns that pop up.
If You are Dealing With Gaslighting: Reach Out for Help!
While the unfortunate truth is that gaslighting has become a common topic when talking about relationships today, the good news is the signs are spot-able.
If you identify with the above steps, take action to prevent it, yet are still the victim of gaslighting, do not be afraid to reach out and ask for professional help.
It is important to recognize and tackle this abuse as early as possible so you save yourself from the detrimental effects it will eventually bring.
So long as you stay true to and value yourself, you will not fall ill to manipulation.
- Never forget that you matter.
- Your thoughts and feelings are valid.
- This is your life. Never let anybody try to tell you otherwise.
If they do, I hope you have the strength to stick up for yourself and walk away.
Taking this newfound knowledge with you to your next relationship. You are not responsible nor to blame for your partner’s gaslighting behaviors and it is most important that you know that.
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