Managing Yourself -
Working Parents, Make Friendships a Part of Your Routine - Sun and Planets Spirituality AYINRIN
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Summary.
Many working parents struggle to divide their time between work and family while still feeling successful and committed in both areas. Friendships barely register in this balancing act. Not only is making time for friends problematic, but their closest friends may be geographically far removed, making staying in touch seem insurmountable. And with today’s social distancing, even trying to sneak away for a quick coffee isn’t an option.
But working parents can create new ways to have shared experiences with their friends through bundling—the creation of shared experience by way of combining two friends’ mundane life tasks. Pick a task that you do on your own, like shopping for groceries, cooking dinner, or even reading bedtime stories. Then, connect it with a friend who is doing that same thing by using technology. Bundling allows you to spend time with friends, without having to find extra time, and it gives them an authentic view of your life.
Monica gently tucks her two-year-old son Hudson into bed. She had just finished up work as a senior manager at a global bank. As she quietly closes the door to her son’s bedroom, her mind flips back to the documents she still needs to review in preparation for an early meeting the next morning. She had hoped to call a friend back first but she just doesn’t have the time (or energy) tonight.
For
Monica and many other parents managing challenging careers, a
fundamental struggle is balancing work versus family. Whether parenting
toddlers or teenagers, working parents can find it difficult to divide
their time while still feeling successful and committed in both areas.
Friendships barely register in this balancing act. That’s a big problem.
Basic research in psychology shows that friends are a key contributor
to not only the mental well-being of working parents but their career success as well.
Further Reading
Friends
matter. We share our innermost secrets with our closest friends, and we
can count on them in an emergency. Research shows that close
friendships are pivotal to both psychological and physical well-being.
Close friendships bring stronger emotional well-being. Friends benefit our basic physiology, as shown by studies that link social connections to cellular-level protection against disease. For instance, we are less likely to catch a cold if we have a solid network of friends. Indeed, having a solid friendship network can reduce mortality as much as 50%. Friends also boost work performance. For one thing, friends (who do not work at your company) give you an “outside view” that can unlock new insights and open your eyes to broader perspectives. For another, friends are a stress reducer. A happy hour after work with friends after a challenging workday, even virtually, may calm the mind as well as the body.
Even
if parents recognize the importance of their friends, it’s all too easy
to let those get-togethers fall to the bottom of the priority list. In
fact, the time spent with friends drops steadily over our lifespan; from
its peak in the teen years, the fastest decline happens in our 20s and 30s, which is precisely the age range in which children first enter our lives.
So what can we do?
Friendships
are nurtured by simple shared experience, like attending the same
class, sweating at the same gym, or even sharing the same elevator in
your apartment complex. So it is no surprise that friendships are
reinforced through focused sharing — think book clubs and wine tasting
events. But staging these focused get-togethers is tough when you have
children, and tougher still when your best friend lives on the other
side of the continent — or the planet!
The solution we are exploring in our scholarly research is one we call bundling.
Bundling is the creation of shared experience by way of combining, or
bundling together, two friends’ mundane life tasks. Rather than carving
out unique time for a book club, pick a task that you do anyway on your
own, like shopping for groceries, cooking dinner, or even reading
bedtime stories. Then, connect it with a friend who is doing that same
thing by using technology. For instance, when it’s time to shop for
groceries, shop at the same time as your friend but talk to them on your
Airpods while you shop. When it’s time to cook dinner, connect with
your friend on Facetime and share your kitchen tricks on video. When
it’s time to read a bedtime story to your kids, connect on Zoom and let
your friend’s kids listen in. The special sauce behind bundling is that
you need not be in the same place, just the same time.
Bundling
allows us to include friends in our messy lives. Unlike a happy hour,
bundling doesn’t sacrifice any of our precious free time — and you don’t
even need to leave the house. Rather, bundling allows us to leverage
our current activities as parents to simultaneously strengthen our
friendships. Integrating our friends into the necessary parts of our
lives makes us more authentic
by showing our friends what is really happening behind the scenes (as
opposed to the happy front we display in Facebook posts). This kind of
intimate self-disclosure and vulnerability is a key ingredient for maintaining close relationships.
Bundling can be quick, too. It may only take a weekly call while you
clean your living room to make you feel close to a friend who lives in
another city.
The
great news about bundling is that we now live in a time of abundance in
tech solutions to help us share our moments. Many working parents are
discovering a plethora of tech products for connecting online,
especially now with so many of us social distancing. As you consider the
power of bundling, the following tech options are just the tip of the
iceberg:
- Use Zoom or Skype while cooking. Try cooking or baking the same thing as your friend in real time, all the while watching each others’ creations unfold.
- Use Marco Polo to create brief video messages in the moment for viewing by your friend later in the day. Keep it short and keep it real.
- Use noise cancelling earbuds to talk on the phone (yes, the phone) while doing housework, like emptying the dishwasher, doing laundry, or cleaning up.
- Use Facetime or Duo while grocery shopping. Show off the odd and esoteric items you buy for your kids.
- Simulate the movie theater experience with your family and friend’s family. Click play on Hulu or Netflix on the phone at the same time, hang up, and then talk about the movie after it’s over. If the movie is a comedy, try adding a voice-only connection to your friend’s house so that you can hear the reaction to the funny bits; laughter is infectious.
- Working the same time as friends? Use Slack instead of text messaging to keep each other up to date with your goals, focused, and connected throughout the workday. Make a virtual coffee shop with video and your own home brew.
Parents
with careers have an enormous challenge in time management, but that
challenge can actually be assisted, not worsened, by taking the time to
connect with friends. There are many ways to keep in touch with your
friends without sacrificing who you are. Encourage your friends to
bundle their tasks with you — it may well help the both of you without
adding any extra effort or stress. Any time you intend to do something
alone, ask yourself if there’s a way you can include a friend.
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