Layoffs -
How to Talk to Your Kids About Layoffs - Sun and Planets Spirituality AYINRIN
Amanda Berglund
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Summary.
Layoffs, we must remember, are a family affair. And facing the painful reality of job loss as a family is necessary. This doesn’t mean your four-year-old needs to know the details of your household budget, or that your pre-teen needs to worry about transferring to a new (unknown) school. But it does mean approaching conversations, and any problems you have, in a clear and age-appropriate manner. In this piece, the author offers advice on what to say (and not to say) when you break the news to your children as well as practical strategies to help your family weather the job loss together.
We all know that layoffs are hard. They create stress, worry, and financial instability, not to mention grief over a job that you loved, or colleagues you miss. Unfortunately, layoffs are fairly common. In the U.S., approximately 40 percent of Americans have been laid off at least once in their career. You don’t even have to be laid off to feel anxious about it; simply knowing that you could be next, or saying goodbye to colleagues can spark layoff anxiety.
If
this is you, you’re probably worried about a lot of things: your
mortgage or rent, grocery bills, and a job hunt, among other things. And
the stress only compounds when we realize this impacts not just our own
life but also each member of our family. The stakes are particularly
high when it comes to your kids.
How will your layoff impact them? You might suddenly be worried about
paying for soccer registration—and perhaps the orthodontist bill, too.
Layoffs,
we must remember, are a family affair. And facing the painful reality
of job loss as a family is necessary. This doesn’t mean your
four-year-old needs to know the details of your household budget, or
that your pre-teen needs to worry about transferring to a new (unknown)
school. But it does mean approaching conversations, and any problems you
have, in a clear and age-appropriate manner. Here are seven things you
can do to help your family weather a job loss together.
Prepare for the Conversation
You’ll
need to tell your family that you’ve lost your job, and probably pretty
quickly. Your emotions are likely raw, and you probably will still feel
very worried about what’s taking place. This is an exceedingly
difficult time to talk about what’s happened because the conversation
can quickly veer in a direction you weren’t intending. This is
especially true when kids throw curveball statements you don’t expect or
ask a question you can’t answer.
The
best thing to do is to decide ahead of time what your goal of the
conversation is, what you are willing to share, and also what would be
better left unsaid. (You and your partner might game this out together.)
For example, while you might have real concerns about making your
mortgage payments, there is no reason to bring up the possibility of
having to sell the house if that is not a present reality. Think about
what would be beneficial to tell the family without causing them
unnecessary stress.
Be Age-Appropriate
A
conversation with a four-year-old will obviously be very different than
one with a teenager. With younger kids, terminology matters a lot. Try
to speak in terms they understand — something like “Mom won’t be going
into the office for a little while.” And try to avoid certain phrases.
Ellen Galinsky, president and founder of the Families and Work Institute
in New York, warns
that children might hear “I got fired” and think of guns. She also
points out that “laid off” doesn’t hold any meaning for most little
kids.
Older
kids, however, have a more nuanced understanding of the implications of
job loss. And don’t be surprised if they have a lot of follow-up
questions about how they will be impacted. At the same time, realize it
might take a while for their questions to come out. Reassure them their
questions are welcome at any time.
Be Authentic
Your
instinct might be to conceal what you’re feeling in an effort to
protect the kids, but it’s actually healthy for them to talk about real
emotions. As clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Futrell explains, they know
if what you’re telling them doesn’t match the emotions they are
sensing.
When
parents model honest emotions, kids have an opportunity to see mom and
dad as human and to witness resiliency and healthy coping mechanisms.
You should share
what you’re feeling, why, and how you are managing those feelings. So
you might say, “Daddy feels really sad today. And it’s ok to feel sad.
But I’m going to be alright and will do what it takes to get back to
feeling happy.”
Just
a quick word of caution: Do not look to children for emotional support.
That’s not their role. Maintain a strict boundary and instead surround
yourself with trusted adults who can provide emotional support.
Develop a Family Mantra
A
layoff can be a teachable moment. Think together about what defines you
and how you face hard times. Make that a positive affirmation about who
you are as a family. For example, “We are Colemans and we can do hard
things together.”
Studies
show that these positive affirmations change neural pathways and light
up the reward center of the brain. This also gives your kids a sense of
stability and teamwork. You’re in it together. You’ll figure it out.
Be Consistent
Children
thrive with a stable family routine. While modifications might be
necessary, keeping the week as “normal” as possible increases the sense
of safety and security.
Make Necessary Changes as a Family
While
consistency is a goal, some lifestyle changes will likely be necessary.
Take the opportunity to involve the kids in brainstorming and
developing budget suggestions. Appropriate topics might be thinking
through the grocery budget, Christmas spending, weekend activities, or a
clothing allowance. This is a chance for everyone to think outside of
the box. What fun meals could you create together on a budget? Develop a
list of unique activities that are wallet-friendly. A quick internet
search pulls up countless creative ideas. Engaging everyone gives the
whole family a sense of control while also teaching kids financial
skills they will use in the future.
Serve Together
Research shows
that service to others can help the participants to see beyond their
own situations and pain, so finding ways to volunteer together can be
hugely beneficial. (And also, it’s free!) When done as a family, the
experience offers quality time together, creates memories, and teaches
children valuable lessons about altruism and compassion. It has also
been shown to make people happier.
Teaching Resilience for the Long Haul
Remember,
layoffs are common. This may be your first time handling one, or maybe
you’ve been here before. Think back on your own childhood: Do you
remember one of your parents being laid off? If you do, you probably
remember how your family handled it. Now consider your own children: How
will they remember this experience? While no one expects to look back
on a layoff fondly, this season doesn’t have to sink an individual or
devastate a family. But in fact, the experience can be used to bind your
family closer together and teach valuable lessons.
It’s
an opportunity to model grit, resilience, positivity, and perseverance.
Having to model these traits might even make you feel them yourself,
and that can even help you land your next job. Was this article helpful? Connect with me.
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