At
least she would finally get some clarity about the promotion Marcus had
mentioned several times. Then she would know what her options were.
Her
stomach knotted as she thought about this past weekend, when she had
narrowly averted another child care crisis. Frauke, Emma’s beloved
German au pair, was called to Hamburg suddenly because of an illness in
the family. Fortunately, Cheryl hadn’t had any urgent work commitments
over that weekend, and since her husband, John, was traveling, she and
Emma had spent an enjoyable couple of “girls’ days” together.
“Mummy, I wish you didn’t work,” Emma had sighed. “We could be together all the time.”
Cheryl had stroked Emma’s soft hair tenderly. “I need to work, darling. Someday you’ll understand.”
The
experience had made Cheryl realize how much she missed her little girl.
When Monday morning came, she vaguely resented leaving Emma in the
company of her grumbling Gran, who had come up from London to take care
of her until Frauke returned.
Cheryl
sighed and swiveled the chair back and forth with her feet. Ah well,
she thought, everything would get back on track soon. Or not. A pity
that the child care panic hadn’t brought her any closer to a decision
about her future.
She
started to think back to how she had come to this pass after spending
the better part of a decade at a company she was so passionate about.
The Juggler
Cheryl
was the top account manager in a boutique advertising agency when Copro
courted and won her. A respected casual-wear retailer and the sole
marketer of the sought-after Smitty jeans brand, Copro hired Cheryl to
run an in-house marketing team and help launch a new clothing line to
appeal to younger, hipper customers. For her part, Cheryl was glad to
get away from the dizziness of agency work, and she welcomed the status
that came with heading up a group of talented designers, writers, and
media specialists.
The
marriage was a happy one. Cheryl’s ambition, ideas, energy, and
enthusiasm were just what the marketing department needed. After one of
her television spots—featuring a sexy young woman riding bareback in her
new Smitty jeans—won a coveted Olie award, a beaming Marcus had
presented her with a bottle of champagne from Derek Lee, the CEO. “Keep
up the great work, Cheryl!” the note had said. Cheryl kept the
flattering message to herself but made sure she shared the credit—and
the champagne—with her team.
Cheryl
had been promoted to marketing director while pregnant with Emma. At
the time, Marcus had told her that the company was counting on her to
come back to work, so Cheryl made sure she never missed a beat. She
returned full-time when her daughter was just three months old, leaving
Emma in the care of her first nanny—the one who later left Emma sitting
in the grocery cart while she packed the bags into the boot of the car,
then almost drove off without her.
Cheryl
enjoyed her new responsibilities at Copro, and her already solid
reputation grew even stronger. But it had been horrible at times to cope
with having a young child when both she and John worked. A year and a
half ago, when John was on a long business trip, Emma picked up a cold
at school that developed into virulent bronchitis—and Frauke got sick,
too. For ten days, Cheryl fed them both chicken soup, cleaned the
vaporizer, and tried to work despite their coughing fits. She wasn’t
terribly successful.
Cheryl
enjoyed her new responsibilities at Copro, but it had been horrible at
times to cope with having a young child when both she and John worked.
Six months later, she asked Marcus if she could reduce her hours.
“I’m sure you think it is rather late to bring this up. Emma is already seven,” Cheryl told Marcus.
Marcus nodded, his eyes gleaming sympathetically. “I don’t how you manage. I couldn’t work so hard without my wife’s support.”
Cheryl
smiled ruefully. True, John hadn’t been much help at home, but Frauke
was a champ, and Emma got on magnificently with her. “It’s not that I
can’t manage, Marcus. And maybe I should have gone part-time when she
was smaller, but I wasn’t interested then. Now that she’s getting a
little older, she seems to need my help more,” Cheryl said.
Marcus
tugged off his glasses and wiped them with the end of his tie, a
nervous gesture that did not bode well for Cheryl’s cause. “Cheryl, I’m
not going to tell you no,” he said. “You can make up your own mind, of
course. But I’m advising you against it, not just as your boss but as a
friend.”
Marcus
patted her hand earnestly. “You’ll just end up working the same hours
for less pay, you know. Your job is a big, responsible one. It just
can’t be done in four days, let alone three.”
“Some of the team might benefit from additional challenges,” Cheryl started, but Marcus leaned forward and cut her off.
“Cheryl,
you’ve built a great team over the past few years. Now you’re ready to
focus on more strategic issues, which will be key for your next step up
the ladder.”
Cheryl
blinked in surprise. She hadn’t considered a promotion. It was
flattering, of course, but it wasn’t on her agenda right now—or was it? “No,”
she told herself firmly. She’d consider it only when Emma went off to
university. But since Marcus was talking about a promotion, she might
try another approach and ask for flextime.
“In the past, the company has been…” she paused, searching for the right word, “reluctant to consider more flexibility in my current hours. Marcus, I wonder if that’s something we might revisit.”
Marcus
raised his eyebrows and tipped back his chair. Cheryl thought some of
the tension in the air seeped away. “What do you have in mind?” he
asked.
Marcus’s
glasses reflected the sunlight off the river, and Cheryl couldn’t see
his eyes. She wondered how far to push. “Emma gets home from school by
3:00 on most days. I could come in earlier and leave earlier on a few of
them.” She made it a statement, not a question.
Marcus
pursed his lips and tapped his fingers on the desktop. “You spend quite
a bit of time guiding your team. Do you think a schedule like that is
manageable?”
Cheryl
mulled the question over. “Tuesdays should be OK. That’s the afternoon
everyone else on the team meets with their counterparts in sales and
production.” She paused. She had no regularly scheduled appointments on
Wednesday afternoon either, but if Derek or Marcus decided to stop in,
that was usually the time they picked. She sighed. Perhaps it was best
to drop that one. She lowered her eyes from the view over Marcus’s
shoulder to catch his gaze. “Wednesdays are probably out, but I think I
could arrange Thursdays. I’ve been holding group meetings then, but I
could change them to Wednesday mornings; it’d be more midweek and might
even give us an opportunity to take stock as well as to move forward.”
“That’s
probably doable,” Marcus said, a smile growing. “I can see I’m going to
have to plan for some Tuesday and Thursday breakfast meetings.”
He
gave her a light clap on the shoulder. Cheryl stood, nodded, and left
the room. The plan wasn’t everything she wanted, but it was a start.
No Time for Tears
It took only a few months to realize that the small shift in hours wasn’t enough.
Emma
rang Cheryl on her mobile minutes before a key executive meeting where
she was due to give an important marketing presentation. At the sound of
Emma’s teary voice, Cheryl shoved down her own anxiety and tried to
keep her voice steady.
“What is it, honey? What’s the matter?”
“Mum, you promised you’d come.”
“Come?” Cheryl echoed, wracking her brains to remember what she must have forgotten.
“My play, at lunchtime. You told me you would be there.”
Cheryl’s stomach roiled. She cursed silently.
She
scanned the conference room, which was rapidly filling. The executives
were milling about, and there were only a few minutes left before the
meeting started. There was absolutely no way she could leave now.
“Honey, I’m so sorry. I forgot. I feel terrible, but I don’t think I can
make it there now.”
“Never mind, Mum. You already missed it.” Emma rang off.
“I’ll
make it up to you,” Cheryl whispered into the dead phone. If she had a
bit more courage, she would just stop negotiating with Copro and take a
stand. She thought about her old friend Nancy, who had quit the ad
agency and was working solo. Why not do the same?
She
decided she could steal a moment to recover unobserved. In the
washroom, she dragged in a deep breath and stared at her reflection. She
didn’t look like she’d just stepped into her own Bad Mother nightmare. Was it even possible to be a topflight executive and a good mother?
She stared at her reflection. Was it even possible to be a topflight executive and a good mother?
Cheryl
sighed. It wouldn’t help to berate herself further. She caught a few
strands of wayward hair and fastened them back with a hairpin. Maybe she
was overreacting. She had a free weekend coming up. She could take Emma
to Alton Towers Theme Park for a couple of days. Yes, that was just the
thing. She’d call and book a hotel room after the presentation. And
perhaps HR would have some ideas about what she could do longer term.
Feeling
somewhat better, Cheryl returned to the conference room. The assembled
executives were seated. It was her turn to speak. She forced herself to
concentrate and strode to the lectern.
The
presentation passed in a blur. Applause followed her closing summary,
and she looked up, relieved. She unplugged her computer, tucked away the
laser pointer, and packed up the rest of her belongings. She sucked in
her breath when she saw Derek approaching.“Good stuff, Cheryl,” he said,
smiling broadly. She thanked him with a grin and thought, “Just call me
Superwoman.”
Back
in her office, Cheryl booked the hotel for the Alton Towers weekend,
which helped her stop chastising herself. She basked in Derek’s praise
for a few moments before getting back to work.
The
next day, Marcus called her in. Cheryl felt good, still buoyed up by
Derek’s comments and relieved that Emma was happy, too. She had babbled
away over dinner about the ferocious Congo River Rapids ride at Alton
Towers. And Cheryl was optimistic that HR would have some thoughts for
her. She’d get right down there after speaking to Marcus.
“Well
done, Cheryl,” Marcus said, a big smile on his tanned face. “It was an
excellent presentation and a good campaign proposal. It’s fresh and
original. I’m confident it’ll be taken up when the board meets
tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Marcus,” she said. “I was pleased with its reception.”
“Derek was really impressed. It’s your ticket into the upper echelons.”
Cheryl
sat up straighter; it was the second time Marcus had mentioned a
promotion in recent months. She grinned at him. “Do you have something
particular up your sleeve?”
He waved a hand. “Nothing concrete, but there are some possibilities that might be in the frame.”
Cheryl
found herself sorting through the various VP functions that might be
within her reach. Such a position would be a real coup. She’d be one of a
handful of women at that level. Despite Marcus’s airy dismissal, she
knew him well enough to believe there was something in the works.
With
a bit of surprise, Cheryl realized the prospect genuinely excited her.
She shook her head ruefully. If she couldn’t sort out her own values and
objectives, she’d never make up her mind about what to do.
It was as if Marcus were reading her thoughts. “It’s a good thing you decided against the part-time option a couple months ago.”
Cheryl stiffened. “It is? Why do you say that?”
He
must have caught the flicker in her eye. “You know how things are,
Cheryl. The company has been flexible with your working hours. But look
around. There aren’t many part-timers at the top of this company or any
other. If a promotion is important to you, then that isn’t the road.”
Marcus kicked back. “As it is, you’re very well positioned.”
Cheryl
remembered Emma’s sobs over the phone yesterday and wondered how well
positioned she could possibly be. HR, she repeated to herself, would
have some advice.
Suddenly,
Marcus whacked both hands on his desk and stood. “Listen, I’ve got a
great idea. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner—it’s just the
thing to give you some exposure and a chance to develop. I was going to
go myself, but, now that I think about it, it would be perfect for you.”
Smiling at the boyish grin on Marcus’s face, Cheryl asked, “Whatever are you talking about?”
“Why,
it’s that trip to Boulder I was telling you about the other day. We
need to develop our business in the United States. Copro is setting up a
task force there next weekend. You can go and take my place.”
Cheryl’s heart thudded painfully in her chest. Next weekend was her date with Emma at Alton Towers.
“Is it a must?”
“Do you have another commitment?”
“Well, I did have some plans,” Cheryl said. She cleared her throat to buy time. “I suppose I could rearrange things.”
“The
exposure would be fantastic for you.” Marcus fastened his gaze on hers.
“It’s a great opportunity—if you think you can manage it, of course. If
not, I can still go.”
Cheryl
forced a smile to her face. Why could she never say no? The word was
just two letters long; it couldn’t be that hard to push past her lips.
“Well, if you think I’d get a lot out of it, I’ll do it.”
Marcus smiled. “Great! That’s just great. You won’t regret it.”
Her
capital with the company was on a steep upward climb. The higher her
position, the more flexibility she might be able to give herself.
Cheryl
wasn’t so sure. She thought she might be regretting it already. She had
no idea what she would say to Emma, and she would have to reschedule
the Alton Towers weekend. At least her capital with the company was on a
steep upward climb. The higher her position, the more flexibility she
might be able to give herself.
A Middle Ground?
“Cheryl,
from my perspective, a manager at your level needs high visibility,”
Deb Roth, the director of HR, said. She shook her head. “That means
being in the office, not working part-time or from home. Especially if
you want a promotion, which you tell me might be in the offing.”
“Deb,
I don’t want a promotion to the exclusion of all else. I’m trying to
find a way to bring greater balance to my life and spend some more time
with my daughter. And now I’ve accepted a trip to Boulder that wasn’t
essential and conflicts with plans I’d made with her.”
“You
know, it occurs to me that we do have several women who are doing some
unusual job shares,” Deb offered. “I don’t think they are on the same
level as you, but I could look into it—or, alternatively, I could talk
to senior management on your behalf. Maybe there is some middle ground
that none of us have considered yet.”
“Speaking to senior management might put my promotion at risk.”
“Not
necessarily. The senior team is committed to meeting the staff’s needs,
where possible. They’ll listen, though of course I can’t promise
anything.” Deb tapped her pen on the table between them. “It would help
if you could get a better handle on what you want. I used an executive
coach when I was debating whether to leave the company some years ago.”
Cheryl shot her a look. “You considered leaving, too, did you?”
Deb
nodded. “Of course. It’s tough, I know. I have three kids of my own,
but they’re older now.” She sighed. “It’s more common than you think; I
hear a lot of stories. I can give you a coach’s name if you’d like.”
Cheryl took the number, but she didn’t dial it.
The Moment of Truth
Cheryl
looked at the Mersey outside her office window and realized the sun had
set. The sky was streaked with pinks and oranges. She shoved herself
out of her chair and strode to Marcus’s office. It was time to find out
what high-powered job she was in line for. Then she could pin down her
options—and make a choice.
When Marcus opened the door, he was frowning. “I’m glad you’re here. We need to talk.”
Cheryl raised her brows at him as he waved her to a chair.
“It
seems there’s a board-level discussion about some of our positions, a
strategy debate if you will.” He cleared his throat. “In any case, that
promotion we expected to come through for you is off the table. Not
permanently, mind you, but for the time being.”
“What does the ‘time being’ mean, Marcus?”
“I’m
not sure, Cheryl. Listen, I’m really sorry about this. I know you’ve
been coping with a lot and considering your next moves. Please, just
don’t do anything rash.”
“Rash!”
Cheryl thought, laughter burbling in her throat. She’d been anything
but rash. An idea seized her and she narrowed her eyes on her boss.
“Marcus, are you sure this doesn’t have to do with my repeated requests
for part-time work or telecommuting?”
“No,
of course it doesn’t. I know Derek thinks highly of you, and I’m sure
it’s just a matter of time. We value you too much to lose you.”
Cheryl frowned. She needed to make a decision. Now.
Should Cheryl stick it out or leave?
Monica McGrath (
monicam2@wharton.upenn.edu) is an adjunct assistant professor of management at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School in Philadelphia.
Cheryl
Jamis’s frustration is understandable. She’s running up against the
reality of the “second shift” issue identified by Arlie Russell
Hochschild. Women still tend to shoulder the majority of second-shift
domestic pressures. Combine these with glass ceiling issues—broken
career promises, entrenched stereotypes, and roadblocks to the top—and
many female managers reach a tipping point. They start to consider just
how high a price they are paying for their ambitions. In their
annoyance, they often just quit.
Combine
second-shift domestic pressures with glass ceiling issues—broken career
promises, entrenched stereotypes, and roadblocks to the top—and many
female managers reach a tipping point.
That
said, Cheryl is abysmally unprepared for a spontaneous discussion with
Marcus Addison. Instead of thinking strategically, she’s being a victim
and expecting her boss and her company to solve her problems for her.
This is at best naive and at worst dangerous, for it makes Marcus wonder
if she’s really as competent as she appears.
Unfortunately,
taking what I call a “step out,” or what Sylvia Ann Hewlett calls a
career “off-ramp,” would be a big mistake for Cheryl. Ten years from
now, when Emma is off to college, Cheryl would find it very difficult,
if not impossible, to regain her career traction. As Hewlett noted in
her March 2005 HBR article, only 40% of women who leave their careers
are able to return to full-time, professional jobs. And if Cheryl thinks
the solution is to start her own business, she should remember that
almost half of all new businesses fail within the first year.
Assuming
Cheryl decides to stay on the job, she must handle her conflicting
priorities in a way that works both for her and her company. If Cheryl
is to be promoted, she must reject the ridiculous premise that “It’s so
hard to say no.” After all, she’s already saying no to her promise to
herself about Emma. It’s time for her to stand up for herself and solve
this problem with the same kind of energy and optimism she would bring
to any corporate roadblock.
Cheryl
should take a few days off and get a clear-eyed look at the situation.
As a start, she should try to see things from her boss’s perspective.
Marcus may be caring and sympathetic, but his focus is on what’s best
for the business, not what’s best for Emma. He has the support of a wife
at home; he can’t be expected to fully understand Cheryl’s situation or
make decisions for her. His job, as Cheryl’s boss, is to see that she
manages her team and contributes to the bottom line, period.
When
she returns to work, Cheryl should present Marcus with a firm business
case for flexible hours. After reminding Marcus that she is a skilled,
ambitious, competent, and proven executive who happens to also be a mom,
she should set the terms of the contract. For example, she should say
that she will leave early a few days a week and telecommute on Fridays.
She should concede that what she is asking for is different from the
norm but that there’s no reason not to try. She should suggest keeping
to the flexible schedule for a set period of time—say, until her next
performance review—and then reevaluate it.
She
also needs to give Marcus some confidence that the risk will pay off.
She should present possible benefits for Marcus to consider and hammer
out specific goals and milestones that she will commit to reaching.
Given her good relationship with Marcus and her value to the company,
the odds are that she will get what she’s asking for.
The
onus will then be on Cheryl to meet—or, better yet, exceed—her goals.
By doing so, she will have convinced Marcus, HR, and the CEO that she is
worthy of the promotion. She will also have shown management that it’s
possible for executives to run Copro and have healthy and whole personal lives. And she will prove that women like her are vital to the success of the business.
Rebecca Matthias (
rebecca@motherswork.com) is a cofounder and the president and COO of Mothers Work, a Philadelphia-based designer and retailer of maternity wear.
A
powerful woman once told me that a smart, ambitious woman of
childbearing age has three choices. Choice number one is to forgo
motherhood, follow her dream, and attain a lofty position; in so doing,
she will always wonder what life would have been like had she had
children. Choice number two is to skip a career, become a mother, and
always wonder what she might have attained in the business world. Choice
number three is to do a half-baked job of both.
I
think there’s a fourth choice, one to which Cheryl has only given
passing thought. If Copro can’t give her what she wants, then she can
start her own firm.
I
was pregnant with my first child when I started my company back in
1982. I was also pregnant with the idea of wanting to run a successful
maternity wear business. I’d certainly heard the dire statistics about
start-up failures, but I also knew that running my own show was the only
way to both feel wholly satisfied in my work and achieve the
flexibility I craved.
Cheryl
has conflicting desires. She wants to be a top manager, but, even more,
she wants to spend time with her daughter. Self-employment is her
ticket. Because she is goal driven and disciplined, she also meets two
of the most critical criteria for entrepreneurial success. Assuming that
she and her husband are willing to take a cut in her income, she can
put her self-discipline to work growing her own business. She can
calibrate her success over time by working on a project-by-project
basis—possibly for Copro, which will undoubtedly be glad to retain her
as a contractor—while Emma is young. Later on, when Emma is at
university, she can up the ante, devote more time and energy to her
clients, and really grow her firm.
Self-employment
is Cheryl’s ticket. Because she is goal driven and disciplined, she
meets two of the most critical criteria for entrepreneurial success.
Cheryl
also needs to understand that flexible hours don’t necessarily mean
fewer hours. If she wants her business to thrive, she should be prepared
to burn the midnight oil and possibly work harder than she’s doing now.
Starting her business will take time, and as it grows, so will the
demands. She still won’t make every school play, and she will have far
less time for herself.
Whether
or not she decides to strike out on her own, I’d advise Cheryl to build
more layers of support into her life. In addition to the au pair, she
should make sure that someone (whether a relative or a backup
babysitter) can help with child care at a moment’s notice if Frauke is
unavailable.
If
Cheryl chooses to work for herself, then it’s particularly crucial for
her to have the full support of her husband, John. It sounds as if John
has left domestic operations to Cheryl while he goes about pursuing his
own career. He will have to be willing to eat more takeout dinners. He
will have to be understanding when Cheryl dedicates some of her nights
and weekends to her business instead of to him. But, most important, he
will need to be Cheryl’s source of encouragement when her business goes
through its ups and downs. If he’s willing to do these things, terrific.
If not, then she should not consider starting her own business.
Finally,
Cheryl should understand that if she does leave Copro to be an
entrepreneur, there’s no looking back. It’s very unlikely that she will
be able to get a strong foothold inside a corporation again. And once
she injects her money, energy, and pride into starting and running her
own business, she’ll have to go for broke. The wins and losses will be
hers alone, and her life will be a roller-coaster ride. But if her
business does take off, she will feel more pride and satisfaction in her
work than she could ever have imagined possible within the walls of
Copro.
Robert J. Maricich (
rjm@centuryfurniture.com) is the CEO of Century Furniture Industries, headquartered in Hickory, North Carolina.
Senior-level
management positions are, by their very nature, intensive, demanding,
and full-time. Frankly, Cheryl isn’t yet displaying the most important
qualities needed in a senior manager: decisiveness, a knack for
proactively identifying and solving problems, an ability to prioritize,
and courage. While Marcus has empathy for Cheryl’s situation, her
actions are inconsistent with what it takes to be a senior manager at a
global company such as Copro. It is one thing to work out a flextime
position with Cheryl at her present level of responsibility; it is quite
another to seriously consider her as a candidate for senior management.
These are two different playing fields, and only Cheryl can decide
which one she wants to be on.
Cheryl
isn’t displaying the most important qualities needed in a senior
manager: decisiveness, a knack for proactively identifying and solving
problems, an ability to prioritize, and courage.
It
bothers me that Cheryl doesn’t frame her request in an assertive,
confident way or offer Marcus a well thought-out, detailed plan
explaining how her flextime schedule will work and how it will benefit
the company. She’s already had a year to come up with an alternative
schedule and show Marcus that she could make it work, but instead of
demonstrating confidence, she waffles and fumbles.
Cheryl
also seems to lack a sense of clear priorities. A capable executive
with children can always figure out ways to work an important personal
event such as a school play into his or her schedule. And by failing to
look Marcus in the eye and say, “I’m sorry, but I have another
commitment” when he offers her the Boulder assignment, she is displaying
a lack of courage.
Initially,
Marcus handles the situation well and deserves credit for being a good
manager; in fact, he’s everything a mentor should be. He properly sees
Cheryl as an investment, coaches her, and gives her all kinds of
opportunities to win. He recognizes Cheryl’s skills and makes it clear
that he wants her to accomplish her personal goals. He even lets her
showcase her talents in front of the CEO.
Marcus
needs to have a heart-to-heart talk with Cheryl. He can remind her how
valuable she is to the company and say he is willing to support her
campaign for flextime if it can be a win-win strategy. At the same time,
he should candidly tell her that he’s troubled by her indecisiveness
and lack of strategic thinking. Copro can certainly work out a halfway
bargain, but he should insist that she demonstrate her value by taking
full responsibility for figuring out her situation.
Assuming
that Cheryl can come back with a workable plan, she and Marcus should
move forward and see how it goes. Cheryl has earned the opportunity to
prove she can handle the assignment with less-demanding time
constraints. When she feels ready, she can come back full-time. At that
point, provided she begins to show better leadership, they can choose to
reevaluate her options.
Should
she decide that she wants a higher position, Cheryl will need to prove
that she can do everything demanded of an executive. Marcus will need to
continue to coach her along, encouraging her to take responsibility and
demonstrate courage, and to meet with the executive coach recommended
by HR. Perhaps he could also pair her with another senior manager who
has successfully navigated a similar career crossroad.
Sometimes,
selling your boss on what you want is a matter of framing. Cheryl’s
formal, written plan should detail how she will overcome the
problems—both real and perceived—that a flextime schedule can present.
Its overarching theme? “How My Plan Will Better Serve Copro.” Finally,
she and Marcus should work together to establish clear parameters for
what will constitute success. That way, both of them will know whether
Cheryl’s new schedule is allowing her to meet company goals—or whether
it’s time for her to move on.
Evelyne Sevin (
evelyne.sevin@ezi.net)
is a partner in the Paris office of Egon Zehnder International, a
global executive search firm. She is in charge of women’s initiatives
for the firm and is a member of the board of the Women’s Forum for the
Economy and Society, also in Paris.
Cheryl
is very fortunate. She has a good job with a good company, a supportive
boss, and a CEO who thinks highly of her. Her biggest issue is not with
her company but with her daughter.
Cheryl’s
biggest issue is not with her company but with her daughter. She needs
to stop feeling guilty about Emma and start helping her understand that
the world of adult work is the world of reality.
Cheryl
needs to stop feeling guilty about Emma and start helping her daughter
understand that the world of adult work is the world of reality. Cheryl
is clearly a well-educated achiever who really enjoys the satisfaction
of being in harness and thrives on making her goals. She’s earned a
place in the professional world. She should be proud of this. It’s
nothing to apologize for to anyone—certainly not to her daughter. In
fact, her open display of ambivalence could be sending Emma all the
wrong messages.
Certainly,
Cheryl’s conundrum is understandable. She’s worked her whole life to
get where she is. At the same time, she loves her daughter and regrets
the time that she can’t spend with her. As is still unfortunately the
case in most working families, Cheryl shoulders more of the child care
burden. Most companies have not evolved to the point where they can help
their most talented women deal with the very visceral, difficult
tension of trying to balance work and family.
I
navigated this tension by going to work part-time and putting my
ambitions temporarily on hold. When I came to Egon Zehnder in 1991, I
had two children—one a year-old baby. At the time, there weren’t many
women in the higher echelons, and they were thrilled to have me as a
consultant. Like Cheryl, I asked to work part-time because I needed to
care for my children, and the firm accommodated my wishes. But there was
no such thing as a part-time partner.
The
chairman and the CEO, as well as my office leader, wanted very much to
help me, but the firm’s culture required that those in top positions be
fully committed. We made a deal: If I came to work full-time, I would be
made partner. I continued to work part-time on important projects,
including founding the largest women’s professional network in France,
which helped me stay in touch, build my own network, and keep my skills
sharp. I came back to work full-time to be able to become a partner
after the birth of my third daughter, coincidentally named Emma.
My
experience taught me that while women should never feel guilty about
asking for what they want, it’s naive to think that employers can or
should bend the rules for them. More and more companies are building
flextime into their working arrangements, and this is to be commended;
at the same time, global firms require that their senior women be able
to travel, to work in different time zones, and to do what it takes to
make the firm successful. Women can bring their own style to work, but
the commitment of time and energy remains the same for every senior
person, regardless of gender.
Equally
important for corporate evolution are two questions almost never asked:
“What is a good father?” and “How is it possible to be a good father
and a topflight executive as well?” I find it fascinating that while 76%
of male CEOs have a nonworking spouse, only 27% of female CEOs do.
Assuming
Cheryl wants to keep her job and get promoted, she should stop feeling
guilty about Emma and start managing her daughter’s expectations better.
Difficult as it may be to be separate from her daughter now, Cheryl
should take consolation from the thought that, though she cannot “have
it all” at the same time, she can “have it all in the end.” When she’s
older, Emma will understand that being a good role model is a big part
of being a good mother.
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